The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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