the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
