I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
