i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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