When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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