he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
