there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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