Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties

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(512): View more from Texas

You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?

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(614): View more from Ohio

how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

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(971): View more from Oregon

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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(509): View more from Washington

I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom

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(773): View more from Illinois

I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.

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