Already got asked if we're dating
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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