Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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