We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
