I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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