I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
