At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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