you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
