this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
