I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
