hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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