Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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