did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
