I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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