So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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