So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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