I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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