i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
