no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
