phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
