i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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