I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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