she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sext me about skeletons
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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