something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
