You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
