I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
