i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
