I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
