im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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