I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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