my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
