no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
