I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
