I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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