EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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