First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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