I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
