"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
