In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
