and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
