That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
