if i can run in heels then i can drive
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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