I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
tell me about the fingering
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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