I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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