i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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